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How do you deal with comments like, "you're beautiful, but fat"

The other day I was at my friend's house and her brother who hasn't seen me in 10 years came over. He kept saying how beautiful I was, but that I'm fat and that I should lose weight. I know he wasn't trying to be malicious or anything, but this is not the first time I got this type of a compliment paired with an insult (in fact, I hear it quite often from people) so I wasn't sure how to react. I mean, it sounds like he's trying to give me a compliment, but points out my flaws. I always shrug or laugh it off, but I don't know how I should react really. How do you cope with that kind of stuff?

Created: 5 months ago
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rosalin_loves
5 months

I've had men stop me in the street and tell me that I'm something special, and would be even hotter if I lost weight, so why don't I lose weight?

I have never felt complimented by this, I have only felt insulted. Because it is insulting! It's like someone has purposely set out to hurt my feelings. The memories of those events sing out as brightly as the ones where I've actually been bullied.

So I can't tell you how to deal with it, as I have never dealt with it well. But I can tell you that I've never retaliated to those comments, because I was never sure if they were an insult or not. But now that I know those comments hurt me, I would point it out with a 'that's actually a hurtful thing to say to a person, even if you mean well'.

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daniellehall
5 months

Ah this little nugget. I'm so sorry that you had to deal with this.

I used to get it on online dating sites all the time. Usually this would be the end of the convrsation and the'd just get blocked but you can't really do that IRL. It definatley comes off as hurtful which toatally sucks 😣

I think the first thing to do is try and reclaim the word fat as a just a descriptive word and not an insult.

For me, I'd say I am both beautiful and fat - the two aren't mutally exclusive!

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rosalin_loves
5 months

you're right, but these people do use it like an insult. backhanded compliments are subconcious insults IMO.

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sarahkay12
3 months

that is a kinda sucky thing to say.

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roseanne_k
about 1 month

the thing is, it is not a compliment to tell you that you'd be prettier if you lost weight. it's rude. so tell them so. I see so many tiktoks now of women who are losing weight as like a revenge body and it makes me so sad.

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